DEAR AMY: When my husband and I married about 10 years ago, we were both ambivalent about having children.
My husband is a very kind and generous man. I have gradually come around to wanting kids.
I’m 40 now, so it’s approaching “now or never” time for me and have to make a decision regarding this.
My husband says he is willing to have babies, if that’s what I really want. But here’s the kicker: He is willing to do things like teach the kid how to throw a football or take them to Disneyland, but he says he won’t do things like wake up in the middle of the night to feed a baby, or change the baby’s diapers, or do extra laundry, etc.
So, basically, I would be doing all the dirty work, while he would get to just swoop in and have all the fun with the kid when it suits him to do so.
I picture myself becoming very exhausted and frustrated with this type of scenario, but it’s the only scenario in which I save my marriage and also have children.
However, I already feel resentful of him being “the good guy” in a child’s eyes, while I’m stuck being the boring nag.
Should I go ahead with a baby and hope he’ll get on board once we’re in the thick of it?
Or should I accept that this is a recipe for disaster?
DEAR WORRIED: The scenario you describe: one parent doing the “dirty work” while the other parent swoops in for the fun stuff, is basically the unarticulated, unbalanced arrangement that many parents have. But most parents don’t declare their intention to behave…
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